Madness, Matter, and Rambling Thoughts

Evolution of Creation and Rambling Thoughts

No updates on Blind and Frozen yet.  I’ve been finding that I’ve been time challenged.  I realize that I can multi-task/work faster on the “non-physical” items.  Planning out the ideas, finding the music, marking the music.  When it comes to choosing animations, choreography, building and movers – these are more intense processes for me.  I need a block of time in world and to lose myself within it.

I’ve been debating.  I have multiple build platform areas, less than I used to.  My head is always spinning, I at times want to label a build area for each dance I will be creating – but at what point is that spreading it to thin?  Am I better keeping two…maybe three out, maximum?  I usually have a re-work going, a performance that needs adjustment or “tells me” it wants a bit more.  (There does come a point when a dance feels done, then I put down the paintbrush down before I overwork it.)  Odd feeling – when I think of only having one build area, I feel like I’m neglecting my other dances!  I think three max…   Shifting back to the main track…

The physical items, like choreography.  Why are those slower for me to accomplish?  They don’t usually take an excessive amount of time – once I begin.   I think it’s because I have to be in world, not just letting my mind think of ideas which can happen all times of the day and night.  I think it’s because I have to be focused and shut out all distractions.  Aha!

I’m stubborn, when I have my mind set on something – then that’s what I feel compelled to do.  (Remember the days I spent making the perfect lunch tray for a dance?)  Sorting my inventory is one of those compulsive things…if I can’t find my clothes or building supplies, then how am I supposed to use them?  On the flip side, I could spend all my time sorting inventory and not accomplish anything.  Sorting inventory, doing monotonous things are calming and “safe” to me, a subconscious coping mechanism when my head starts spinning too much.  Hmm….

Time is always limited in SL for everyone.  What is most important to me?  I’m an odd duck – I hate rules and being controlled, being too scheduled makes me feel overwhelmed – but having a plan and lists is when I find myself most productive.  What if perhaps I plan on sorting inventory on Sundays for a while….will that ease this compulsion?   Incorporating daily meditation has made a significant difference, and solitary activities I enjoy I now do on the weekends.  I will continue getting out to more shows, events, and spending time with friends – because interaction and experiences are one of the most amazing things of SL.

This raises the question.  When is the best time to create?  What do I need around me?  I think I will save this question and share pictures of my creation areas.

There was another reason I started this post.  I’m currently working on another dance, which was scheduled before Blind and Frozen.  I find that I need to follow the process and create the way I do….because concepts change and evolve as I follow my flow.  I realized today that my whole set concept has changed as I put together the choreography and let the music flow though my mind.  Does this mean I couldn’t create a dance with a pre-made set?  No.  It does mean that the evolution of the creation is a synergetic flow for me…everything rolls, flows, and evolves together.  An insight I never realized until now.

Perhaps part of creativity is being open and responsive to the way you work best, incorporating methods that inspire and motivate your creativity.  Inspiration drives you to begin, motivation keeps you compelled to continue, to keep creating through the end.  It now makes me wonder, what of other parts of life?  What inspires me?  The time of day, the surroundings, the patterns…

Sometimes it eases my spinning thoughts when I release them here, give each thought consideration without overthinking.  Perhaps writing can be like meditation in a way?  As you still your mind you see your thoughts and let them calmly drift away as though on the wings of a butterfly until you find the space of calmness and silence.

Such a contemplative mood I’m in today…

I am me.  I am not perfect, nor the knower of all things.  I care, I try, I believe, and I do my best to lift others up.  I see the value in others and celebrate our differences, and I try to grow from my mistakes and overcome the thoughts that would drag me down.

This is me.
~ Eva

Hesitation, Meditation, Motivation, and Passion…

Do you ever feel the tightness in your chest?  The almost dread, wondering if your creation will be all you want it to be?  The stress and time seems to fly by so much faster than you ever expected?  This is but one part of our life, SL.  Home, friends, family, work, RL….it is always a challenge to balance our needs and our desires.  As I work on changing my patterns this becomes more profound.  When you’re used to running up to the wire for everything, your mind and body seem to become accustomed to that adrenaline – that push to race to the end.  In changing that, it sometimes feel like my mind is rebelling…and when I give in to – “I’ll work on it in the morning”, I’m overcome with elation.  Like the feeling I got as a child when school released for summer.  You know what follows?  Stress and rushing to meet my deadlines, and sometimes I have to drop ideas for the time so that I can finish what I need to.  It’s not easy, retraining habits I’ve had long before I embraced the world of dance here in SL.  I know it will be worth it, and on the journey I’m realizing some of my “coping” mechanisms, or avoidance mechanisms and beginning to see them for what they are.  Marketplace is probably the biggest of them all for me.  I am grateful, however, that I’m not too much of a shopaholic RL (except when I found the amazing opportunities to buy used books online, and Amazon daily deals – UPS knew me very very well for a while).

Yep, I fall off the horse quite a bit still – trying to plan and work ahead but I am really starting to see a difference in some things, and will continue to spread that to my dance creations.  Giving up isn’t the answer and I know that.  Falling back into my bad habits isn’t the answer.  Balance, planning, peace, meditation, and doing are my answers.

One of my daily goals?  Meditation – to rebalance, regroup, calm me, and believe in myself.  My head spins – constantly, with thoughts, ideas, visions, solutions.  It’s tiring sometimes and stillness is important.  The video here may be one of the best meditations I’ve ever followed.  Or maybe it’s what I need at the moment and clicks, or maybe I’m very open to it at the moment…or maybe….

I can feel the cool air stir along my skin as the fan spins above me, just as I felt the warmth this morning as I walked outside barefoot to watch the chickens and rabbits calmly go about their ways.  I feel calm and inspired, connected.

Stop, perhaps, and take a moment.  Where does your balance come from?  Keeps your passion and inspiration flowing…..your candle burning.

A very happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there.

Walk your path – embrace your light, and be you.  For always and ever.
~ Eva

I could feel it slipping up on me, the procrastination, feeling tired, like I was walking through sludge.  Aiming to break through my walls of procrastination and remaining stagnant, I thought hmm….what would help.  This was the first time I’d meditated to the practitioner in this video, and I must say I could feel the sludge sliding away and feel light and relaxed.  I’m an avid believer in meditation clearing the mind and rebalancing the body – all matter being made of energy.  I’m also reading a book about energy strands, which in some ways a bit surprising, and in others – not at all.

May you all have a day of balance and joy, and even a marshmallow or two.  Hot chocolate with marshmallows for an evening dessert treat is another soothing mechanism for me at times.

Breathe deep, release it slowly, and live in the sunlight
~ Eva

“In the face of great challenges, you can choose to live reactively as a victim, or choose to proactively take control, with awareness and accountability.”

― Isaac Lidsky, Eyes Wide Open: Overcoming Obstacles and Recognizing Opportunities in a World That Can’t See Clearly

Credits – I’m not a creator of these items, nor wish to sell anything – just giving credit where credit is due for the beautiful artwork.

https://sand-rae.deviantart.com/art/Space-Eye-348178778

What would you be interested in learning?

I like insanity, I love teaching, I adore dance – and what better way to put them all together than by having workshops?  I’ve been tossing around ideas for adding a new topic here and there – expanding horizons, going where no man has gone before!  (Well, not really but it sounded dramatic.)

I’d love to know what people are interested in coming together and learning.  For me, it’s refreshing something I know, digging into the nooks and crannies as I prepare, sharing this with others and learning from them in turn.  The incredible moments when hesitation becomes inspiration and the first steps to excitement, those are the ultimate reward.  It is also seeing my own skills and abilities grow as I teach and share with others.  For those who have come to my workshops, do you get that feeling?  Anything I can do better?  I often make adjustments based on feedback or the response I sense during the workshop, working on balancing fun with structure and ways to present that engage others.

Feel free to comment here or facebook, send me a notecard, or I’m adding suggestion boxes in each workshop area at Harleyquin.  I really do want to know. 🙂

Happy dancing!

Brb…making tea.  Back, glass cup in hand.  As my tea steeps in my very cool tea infuser cup, I look at the package for this blend.  “Energize.  Believe in yourself & be unstoppable.”  That’s quite a claim for an herbal tea blend.  As I glance out the window at yet another dark and rainy day, a little “unstoppable” would be a good thing.

So, I’m falling a bit behind on my dance creations and it makes me uncomfortable – or does shaking up how I’ve always done things make me uncomfortable?  Or was it an uncomfortable situation yesterday that shook my confidence?  No one else may have noticed, but what if they did?  The truth is, all of us have pieces of ourselves that we hide, bury – because we need to, for our own sanity.  To let go for a little while, sometimes to be snapped right back into it and our safe bubble shattered for that moment in time.

Then, we breathe.  A deep breath.  We remind ourselves that its ok.  That what was isn’t anymore.  That we are safe.  And loved.  That we do good things and can be our self, embrace what’s inside.  That we are stronger than we know – so much stronger.

As I breathe and study the picture above, the words “I AM ME” roll through my head.  I choose do to what I love.  Create what I feel.  Trust and believe in just this, and all will fall into place.  Perhaps not immediately, but over time…one step at a time.  Even the tiniest of steps are a movement forward to whatever you desire.  Sometimes I wish there was a fairy that would clear away the clutter, the endless train of things standing in my way…but then I realize, what stands in the way the most is my own self, not taking those baby steps.  That inner voice saying “this is too hard…it will never happen…you can’t do this”.

It is a brave thing to face the turmoil inside.  The inner demons, the past memories, fears and doubts, and overcome them.  It is a brave thing to challenge the status quo and take those first steps, small as they might be.  It is brave, and right, to see yourself as Strong.  Powerful.  Beautiful.  Intelligent.  Creative.  To be forgiving of yourself.

This is a mere hiccup in this moment, as new things are aligning – bringing with it a bit of discomfort and fear of the unknown.  No one can do it for you.  It has to be you.

I like this Twitter post by Alicia Keys:

“If those you are with don’t encourage the change and growth in you.. maybe they aren’t the ones for you! Keep shining 💞🌈 “

In the course of things, I’ve also started working on getting back into better habits.  I find that I seem to dehydrate easily – forget to drink water (especially when focused/creating) and this makes me tired, moody, and unable to concentrate.

Another step is watching Ted videos, which I used to do regularly – inspirational, thought provoking, beautiful.  I have one to share with you today, and upon watching it I realize that the spaces where I spend the most time RL are bland like those demonstrated.  That adds something to consider…how much does the environment around you effect your emotions and creativity?

I’m not quite sure I feel unstoppable, but I do feel more energized and ready to keep taking those steps.  I can silence that negative inner voice in my head, do what I enjoy to the most of my ability and celebrate that.  Isn’t that the way it should be?

Blessed be 💞
~ Eva

Credits – I’m not a creator of these items, nor wish to sell anything – just giving credit where credit is due for the beautiful artwork.

Paint your dreams: https://www.etsy.com/au/listing/179183086/art-quotes-dance-quotes-inspirational