It’s a bit surreal to think about all the changes in my life that have occurred since I created this blog. Sometimes it’s been a lifeline, a sounding board, or a way to release the tornado of thoughts in my head.

Sometimes its been the only thing in my life I’ve felt in control of or the one place I felt I had something to offer others.

Through relationship changes, family changes, job changes, and most importantly mental space changes, this blog has been with me. Just like the Alice in Wonderland quote, there’s no going back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

So where am I today? I still procrastinate, tik tok being one of my enablers but also offering insight too. The clip I caught today from Mel Robbins said people are not procrastinators, they have a procrastination habit, a habit driven by fear. Procrastination primarily reveals itself as delaying in starting something. If we set a goal to work for just 5 minutes, 80% of people who procrastinate will keep going. I do find that’s true on my treadmill. I set a goal for 10 minutes a day. Some days it’s tough to find the time and energy for that 10 minutes but I do my 10 and stop. More often than not though, I keep going. On the best days I find “the zone” and hit a new personal best.

This morning I helped someone in the Spot On group. It feels good to share, and I consider it paying it forward for all those who have helped me over time. I’m not good at asking for help, but when I do I’m very grateful for the people who assist me. Only once in a while do I chime into the support group. I’ve watched so many other group members assisting others – I learn new things and I’m also humbled. I feel that’s a good thing.

So, my main thought today on this Monday and first day of the week – what would make this an exceptional day?

I’ve been developing routines over time, finding that it eases my anxiety. Day to day home routines are the most “solid” right now – Monday is house reset, Tuesday is wipe down and telephone calls, Wednesday is wash laundry and water plants, etc. I don’t stress over the laundry pile because I know I’ll wash it Wednesday. I’ve been doing a lot of outdoor work – the yard, porches, garden have been neglected over time. I’m always trying to do more than what’s feasible as everything to be done outside swirls in my brain.

So, this raises two questions. Finishing my normal daily routine doesn’t make me feel like it’s been a sensational day. I feel satisfied (usually), trying to remind myself not to feel overwhelmed and that mopping is a Thursday thing.

So what does make the day feel like a sensational day? And second, if I develop routines in SL when does it feel like a task or chore instead of something I enjoy? When has a “want to” feel like it’s slipped into a “has to” – and is this related to the dread caused by procrastination? I think I quite often fall down the procrastination rabbit hole and when I finally pop up again I’m hitting against deadlines and rushing – and not experiencing the full joy of creating, etc.

Ha. I feel like this has been a long term bane of my existence (and topic in this blog) – procrastination. Maybe it’s not something I’ll ever be rid of though, like I always thought I should try to do. Maybe it’s part of my thought process that I have to learn to MANAGE. Maybe procrastination isn’t always a bad thing – by not starting right away something else occurred that shifted what I was going to do into something better.

So my deep thoughts of today are:

1. What will make today sensational? (Something I take action on)
2. Being present, what things feel like tasks, can I “be present” and enjoy it or am I just trying to get through it? Is it something I “need” to do? Is it related to anxiety, procrastination, compulsion?

Perhaps I should build a new rabbit hole or blue print. Maybe one of those hamster habittrails that has all the different rooms and spaces. A mental one. Time to play, time to rest, time to visit, time to explore…

Welcome to my madness!
~Eva