Reflection, Focus, and Today’s Thoughts

My head just swirls with thoughts…sometimes becoming this whole jumbled tornado of a mess…which then makes me stressed which just throws everything else off kilter. My handy dandy notebook is helping, plus I use OneNote and google calendar. Seems to be working so far.

I always thought that I was disorganized and a procrastinator… and well, I really kind of am (definitely the procrastinator for sure). But…some of the disorganization was really from being overwhelmed and over-committed. I have a tough time say no, or trying to pack too much into a period of time. Filling my calendar with non-urgent/important things when I have a special dance that’s very important to me to work on. Sure, I enjoy doing those non-urgent things and it feels good when I get them crossed off…but then I get stressed when I run out of time to really focus on the dance I’m creating or have to rush to toss together the costume for someone else’s dance I committed to and want to be in.

I will say…there’s an amazing feeling when I know I’m ready. Everything is put together, I’m happy with it. I can take a deep breath. Biggest thing is I don’t have those voices in my head telling me what I should’ve done or what’s not right.

I feel like I’m constantly re-inventing myself…but isn’t that part of life? Pick myself up, brush myself off, and keep learning and growing? Disorganization and procrastination are habits I’ve been challenged with my whole entire life, RL and SL. Each day, I think it gets a little better and natural not to be although I think it’s also part of my nature. How my head works, my passion, and focus to want to do it all, try it all.

Ever have something to do and “don’t feel like it” or avoid it? Even worse is when it makes you uncomfortable. For me…that’s fear. Fear is one of the biggest reasons I procrastinate. I’ll have to put effort into it, or it’s something new I’m not comfortable with, or I’m putting something out there and what if it’s not good enough? That nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach…that’s fear. Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to do something and am not sure I can figure it out, or I need to have an uneasy conversation with someone. That’s fear.

There’s a saying “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable”. When focused in a creative sense, you’re uncomfortable because you’re stretching out of the unknown or you’re sharing something important to you with others – putting yourself out there. When I get that uncomfortable feeling and I *don’t* want to do it, I’m slowly starting to realize that means it’s the thing I need to do. Sure, those simple things or distractions are happy easy things but they’re instant gratification. They usually don’t help me accomplish what has true meaning to me.

Now for the big voices inside my head – not good enough, who are you to be teaching this, etc. etc. etc. The thing I keep reminding myself is, I’m me. This is mine. This is my art. This is what I’m sharing with others. Maybe they’ll enjoy it. Maybe they’ll be inspired. Maybe they won’t – and that’s ok. What I teach is what I’ve learned from my own experiences and from others, some is innate. People will take from it what they will. The MOST important thing of all – I create because I love to create. I teach because I love to teach. Everyone has their own preferences in learning or in what they enjoy. No one can be everything to everyone, and no one is me but me. Along those lines, I can’t be everything to everyone and will just burn out if I try. No comparisons. I do things my way and I’m content with that.

On that note, I thought about workshops and what I enjoy the most. This spun off into two new workshop series:

Art of Animating Dance – speaking through movement More Info Here
Spot On Smooth Dancer – A to Z, Animating Art

Instead of offering workshops on individual topics, I’m going to start my focus on the two I love the most:

  • The art of creating animation choreography, art not technical
  • Spot On Smooth Dancer, an on-going technical series as we focus on how to use this tool to create the art. Eventually transitioning to the other Spot On Tools.

Almost like being part of a RL dance school…every session picking up where we left off and continuing to build our skills. Lots of focus on practicing and trying new things with the tool. Very hands on and open for sharing.

Ha..I sometimes procrastinate writing blog posts because I know I’m always going to explore deep thoughts and it takes a bit of time.

Thoughts for today:

  • Move and Sync’d both have individual animations from a pack on sale for “Happy Weekend” – 60L each. I need to add a bit of new energy to my animation collection. Might be good to check it out!
  • Mixing up creating with some breaks in between to stay fresh
  • and…give yourself enough time to do something well! Best to create one fantastic dance in a month than three so-so ones in my opinion. (I have to keep telling myself that.)
  • Apologize to no one for being who you are and doing your thing. Especially don’t apologize or feel bad when someone is critical of you or your choices. Their truth isn’t yours!

Happy Dancing – and BE YOU!

~ Eva

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