Reawakening the Madness

Did you ever know something, believe in it, then realize you’re not living it? Sometimes it’s the universe that gives you a nudge, or a shove…or a friend, comrade, or a random person even. I forget sometimes that believing isn’t enough. It’s living it that makes a difference.

The words that are running through my head at a louder and louder volume: Be who you are. The best version of you. Don’t be what you think others want you to be, what you feel pressured to be.

My style. This one was like a smack upside the head. I like exploring new dance styles and ideas, but for me right now my creativity wants to live in what speaks to me. The songs I chose for dances are great songs, but they aren’t me. They feel hollow when I think about creating. My ideas basically repeats of videos or what would be expected. So what’s my style? I’m drawn to epic, to quirky, to dark and powerful. Not always, but that’s my space right now. Why fight it? Isn’t art about expression? Dance is expression and definitely art in my book. I forgot why I create for a looong time – not to perform, but to express, to release my creativity and enjoy the process (most of the time! ha).

I think ambition isn’t about having to be the best, or the most well known, or the richest. Sure, many might define it that way – especially hedge fund managers and car salesman. Ambition to me is the drive, the inner drive to accomplish something. Not for glory, not for accolades, but because we believe. So…now I’m thinking, what is my ambition? Time flies way too fast, it’s so easy to drift along on the waves and forget about the things you want to accomplish. I like drifting on the waves, and sometimes we all need those waves to rebalance.

Time has flown since I last posted. A lot has changed in, for, and around me. A lot has stayed the same. Simplify is one of my new mantras.

Don’t apologize for who I am is another. People can accept me as I am or not, and that’s ok. I’m me. I have my own style. I can’t be someone else, and trying to be someone else, something else is draining.

The third, the third is asking myself why. Why do I dance, why do I teach? Because I have to? Because I feel responsible to? Because I “have to”? or because I love to? What has the dancers in my head twirling in happiness? What creates that constant underlying burn of excitement and ideas? What grabs my heart and twists it and seems to take on a life of it’s own?

Welcome to the madness. 🙂

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