This is that time of year when most everyone reflects on the current year and makes resolutions for the new one.  Taking stock of where we’re at and where we want to be.  Me?  I think we’re always evolving and should always be in a continual state of being aware of how we feel, what our dreams are, and if things are working for us or not.  Taking hold of the steering wheel and adjusting our direction, or making a quick U-turn when things really go off the rails.  We’ve all heard the stories – “I followed my GPS and ended up 3 states away…in the middle of a lake”.  Better to notice the “Welcome to Oklahoma” sign along the way.

Sometimes I forget things.  I forget that the actions and responses of others are based on their own experiences, beliefs, personalities, and challenges.  I take their responses personally when I shouldn’t.  The words they choose, the tone of their voice.  I was recently reminded of this quote:

“We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are” 

If I feel insecure, if I feel I haven’t done my best job, I know I’m more vulnerable to self-doubt, not feeling good enough.  I know I can care too much, give with all my heart, be as open and honest as I can be.  So much so that I see that quality in others when it’s not reality.  That I can “see” more than there really is.  The mind plays a part too, wanting to protect us.  Ever been through a traumatic experience but unable to remember it for a long time?  That is our mind protecting us from what we can’t handle, can’t face right now.  We sometimes see what we want to see, not what is.

I forget that confrontation isn’t always bad and it’s sometimes necessary, whether a simple no because the opportunity isn’t right for me, or standing up for myself because someone is being disrespectful.  I forget that it’s ok to step back from toxic situations and people.

I sometimes forget that talking things out can be a wonderful thing, and that in other situations sometimes it’s best to let things go.  To ignore them, to stick the facts and positive aspects without being dragged verbally or emotionally into the drama and then smearing that on others as it spreads.

As I keep evolving, I slowly continue to transition to doing what I enjoy doing…for me.  There was a time when nearly all my effort in both worlds was to please others.  I was constantly scrabbling to feel needed, to feel wanted, to feel special.  I looked outside of myself for validation.

On the last day of 2018, I do take a moment to reflect.  To take stock of where I am.  Overall, even while there is instability in my life, I will keep moving forward.  I will stay positive, remain grateful, and strive for balance.  I hope in this new year that I continue on this path of growth, adjusting my steps along the way.  That I can see others more clearly and be more open.  That I will do the best I can, do what I love, and touch the lives of others.  That I will embrace new opportunities with strength, courage, and determination.

Blessed be, and a wonderful new year to you all.

Always –
~ Eva