My 3%, fog, and putting myself out there

Is it me, or has the world feel like its tipped on its axis and gone a bit weird?  All kinds of topsy turvy and high emotional stuff all over the grid and on the other side of the mirror (RL) too.  It will pass!  It always does.  The future unfolds and things evolve.  Let’s visit a little Enya before we continue, shall we?

“everything flows….here comes another new day”

Whew…that’s a bit better!  Ever heard of the moving Defending Your Life?  It’s one of my favorites though couldn’t tell you quite why.  (Nor Muriel’s Wedding…think I binge watched that so much it’s out of my system.)  So anyway, there’s an underlying message I love in this quirky movie.  <clears throat and does the voices for ya>

Defending Your Life movie quote:
Bob Diamond
: Being from Earth, as you are, and using as little of your brain as you do, your life has pretty much been devoted to dealing with fear.

Daniel Miller: It has?

Bob Diamond: Well everybody on Earth deals with fear – that’s what little brains do.

Bob Diamond: …Fear is like a giant fog. It sits on your brain and blocks everything – real feelings, true happiness, real joy. They can’t get through that fog. But you lift it, and buddy, you’re in for the ride of your life.

Daniel Miller: God… my three percent is swimming.

I think that “we only use 3% of our brain” thing has been discredited but I truly believe we haven’t tapped its full potential yet either.  So, as I ponder, which I often do (because stuff swirls in my head and I just have to get it out or it will drive me mad although I’m already mad…crazy type mad), I stop and think.  That was a really long run on sentence.  No, (though that was a long run on sentence), I think that when the world seems topsy turvy – what if it’s that giant fog of fear doing it?

No matter how hard I try, sometimes that fear of failure creeps in.  Letting myself down, others down, how am I ever going to balance stuff, etc. etc. etc.  If I don’t nip it in the bud it becomes a band of screaming banshees until I can’t accomplish anything at all.

No!  Not that kind of banshee…but it is a bit catchy.  So, then I realized…

Fear and doubt become self-fulfilling prophecies

I stress about meeting a deadline.  I avoid it.  I work inefficiently because my nerves are on edge.  Perhaps I finish, but almost never am I satisfied with what I’ve done.  Maybe it crashed and burned.  Maybe my head is so overwhelmed I have to take a week to recover.  For me, the ultimate symptom of fear?  Procrastination and avoidance.

That’s not it, though.  I have another one.  When things feel shaky and the unknown looms I scramble to create a sense of order – simple, monotonous things that don’t require a lot of thought.  Busy work.  This falls under avoidance too.

Now…what to do about it?

Procrastination is one of my weaknesses.  Every one of us has a weakness or negative trait whether we admit it to ourselves or not.  My question to myself is…what is the underlying reason?  What is the trigger?  Are there other factors?  Fear of speaking up?  Fear of letting others down?  Fear of abandonment or obsolescence?

First.  I’m going to take a deep breath.
Second.  I’m going to remind myself of the good moments – teaching, DJing, creating, performing, just enjoying.  I’m going to be grateful for these moments.
Third.  I’m going to be patient with myself, shushing that internal critic and the other little voice that wants it all…right now.  Slow and steady wins the race.
Fourth.  I’ll be open to ways that make good habits easier to follow and more enjoyable.
Fifth.  Be aware when I begin to slip, and also what works to bring me back.  Music, activities, meditation, etc.
Sixth.  Remember what I love doing and why I love doing it.  It’s almost never just for the finished goal, but for the experience itself.

When everything flows together and I’m in that zone of doing whatever it is I’m doing, it is an amazing experience.  Just living within the moment.  Letting go of doubts, fears, and worries.  Not overthinking everything.  No apologies…just being and doing.

On the flip side.  Transition sometimes sucks.  Really sucks, especially when I’m blindsided.  When it comes, this too shall pass and all the above still apply.  If unexpected and unwanted change hasn’t come yet and is merely a possibility, let it be.  Plan, be aware, but fretting only expends my own valuable energy.

Swimming through the fog and finding the other side,
~ Eva

One of my favorite meditations:

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