I’m a fruit loop…and I like being a fruit loop.
(Yep that’s me)
“Blessed are the weird people:
poets, misfits, writers
mystics, painters, troubadours
for they teach us to see the world through different eyes.” ~ Jacob Nordby
it doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t question myself, let those doubts sink in.
“Am I good enough? Am I too weird? Do they not like what I do? Are they better than me? Would someone else be better than me? Who am I to do this? …”
Over time, I’ve had many “gut check” moments…when I’ve lost my focus, lost my inspiration. I was completely shocked the other day when someone commented they could see it in the dances I created, the music choices I’ve made. She could see how the feelings inside reflected in my creative choices, and how as the feelings changed those choices did too. Sometimes my creativity slows to a near crawl…either in a lack of ideas or a lack of desire.
These gut check moments come for different reasons – sometimes a respite is needed, stop the never ending treadmill we may have jumped on. Sometimes it’s the calm as energy builds up for a new breakthrough. Sometimes it’s caused by internal transition or DOUBT. All of those have a purpose. The key is getting to the other side. Get back on the horse…or a bigger horse…or maybe a speckled horse instead of a brown one. IT’S ALWAYS YOUR CHOICE WHAT HORSE TO RIDE. (Or cowboy…but that’s a whole different post.)
Doubt can be a catalyst. You can face your fears and overcome them or you can do this:
ok…who brought the tissues?
One thought just shouts out in my mind…one that is so important to me, and almost a mantra of sorts now.
They aren’t better, just different.
I am on a constant crusade to learn new things, to improve, to be more outgoing. Some people may “get me”, some won’t. Some people may like what I do, the energy I bring, the way I do things, some won’t.
You know what? That’s OK!
There are always other opportunities. Instead of doubting, do your own self check – do you feel you’re doing a good job? If yes, then keep doing it! If you’re just not happy, move on! Try different venues, be creative. I may never dance for Monarch’s or be a “top” DJ, but I can love doing what I do, keep evolving, and embrace whatever comes in an unknown future.
Something else I’ve realized: By hanging onto a situation that doesn’t work anymore, you are hurting not only yourself but the other party too! You are holding yourself back from what may be an amazing opportunity waiting out there, and you are holding them back from finding someone who fills their needs and culture better.
Change is scary, change can really suck, but change can also bring about amazing new things. Trust in yourself, do your best, keep growing, and do those internal self checks once in a while. Believe in yourself, and know it’s ok to be different.
~ Eva “fruit loop” Harley