Sometimes, you reach a point. Wondering what you are doing here in this world, as you dash from dance to dance, responsibility to responsibility, enjoying what you do until suddenly…you feel it…
This deep burning from inside yourself, a change that no one else can see. Letting go of things that you held onto so very tightly. Things you wanted so badly it hurt sometimes. Have you ever seen a picture where you looked at it, and you saw something…then you stepped back and it was totally different?
With this inner fire raging I knew change was coming, but I didn’t fear it though it was so overwhelming at times it felt like it would consume me. I opened up, to letting go of past relationships and saying goodbye, past longings and hopes, my way of over scheduling myself so much that I lost the opportunity to enjoy creating things that made me truly happy and proud.
During this transition many amazing things happened, old hurts were healed, fears were overcome, and the air was cleared of misconceptions and misunderstandings. Other things were more difficult, but had to shift to clear the way for new focus, new discipline within myself, to find the strength and confidence that has always been within.
Now, I refocus on my creations, to be true to myself, to be the friend I should be and the leader and supporter of my most amazing dance troupe. To be the person that will be there for them when they need me, to pick up the pieces and pick up the communication line. To not hide behind a rock or so lost in creating that I forget the people around me. To let them know how grateful I am, how much I believe in them, in word and in action, and to do whatever I can to support their growth. To follow through on obligations made to others, without procrastination.
I am still contemplating my workshops, self-evaluating, asking myself why I teach. Other questions roar through my head, do I present in a way that other people take away what they hoped to learn, do I present it in a way they can relate to, are they topics people want to learn. Do I exude the confidence and knowledge they expect of a teacher? Should I limit and focus my workshops, and how formal should they be? This is still something I’m working through.
Time…and balance will always be a challenge, but I’m thankful to be off the merry go round. There will be a few rides on the roller coaster, maybe a few rafting down the lazy river occasionally, but there is a whole amusement park of opportunity and experience.
I am not perfect, not an expert and never profess to be. Like you, I am learning. I learned something this weekend, but now I forgot it so now I need to contact my workshop attendees and ask if they remember what it was 🙂
Change and transition aren’t easy, but they are a part of growth and can open the door to new and amazing experiences. Don’t fear it, but see it for what it is.
In parting, this song speaks to me..and the different parts of myself. Self doubts, questions, and overcoming challenges. Within, you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. Finding that person will evolve over time…every step bringing you closer.
Live in peace, for you are special