In moments of stillness…I sometimes ache for the past. The smiles, the laughter. Simpler times. Within my mind I return to those memories, becoming one with them again…or at least the selective pieces I envision. I feel during these moments. Butterflies flutter within.
I find these moments come on stronger, faster, when my world feels out of control, when I feel out of sorts. It is a safe place, my memories, where my mind chooses what to recall. Safe, so it seems, when in reality it is a silently dangerous place, one that reminds me of the past until I ache to return.
There is no going back. There is no recapturing those moments. I am not the same person I was yesterday, last month, and especially not a year ago. That is evolution of mind and spirit, just as it should be. The memories? A highlight reel of yesteryear, presented in the format of original film – the picture hazy and shadowed around the edges.
It is the people I think of most, who changed my life in their own way. Everyone you meet touches you in a way, some more than others. There is no going back. Perhaps they have evolved, just as they should. Perhaps they have left the world of SL. Perhaps they closed the current chapter and started a new story – a new avatar, and a new circle. Perhaps they are no longer amoung us, having risen from this mortal realm.
It is a dangerous thing, aching for the past, for it prevents us from moving on into what is yet to be. Cords still attached. Tethered. I remind myself that there will be amazing new experiences and memories to make. It is the letting go that is so very hard at times, especially when I feel alone. Memories are but a pale ghost of the arms which once held me safe and close.
I shake myself, and repeat…there is no going back.
There is me. There is my own path. There is a new beginning, each and every day.
Words have power when spoken. Those that have touched my life and moved on will never see this, but may the universe communicate my message in its own way. Thank you for being part of my world, for all that we shared, and for all I learned. You will never be forgotten. By being part of your world, I was changed, and you will always be in my memories even as I step forward. Cords broken. Free.
There is no going back.