Does your brain spin sometimes?  In a never ending whirlwind of stuff?  Sometimes things lift out of the swirling fog and stand front and center – demanding attention.  My dancers haven’t been dancing in my head like they normally do.  I wonder why that is?  Maybe I’m the only one with a swirling brain.  Maybe I’ve lost focus for a bit and they’re chilling in there, kicking back on the couch and binge watching Netflix.

I couldn’t find any tornadoes I liked, but I did come across this.  This kind of feels like my head at the moment, all these light bulbs craving attention – and here I am, small in comparison.  I know I want to create and to lose myself while I do – but I’m watering my plants when I should be jumping down the rabbit hole.

I think there are two significant things at play in my current state.  Well, maybe three.

Let’s defy convention and start with the third first, shall we?  I think the third may be stretching. Nooo…not yoga stretching although that’s on my list to do.  I’ve been stretching in how I prepare my teaching, how I present, also working on being a better DJ and looking for that perfect balance in between engaging the audience and streaming for the shows.  The central focus is the performance, and I, just like a particle – an enhancement to that.  Hmm…interesting thought.  Of course, hopefully I have more of a personality than a particle…this consideration making me grin!  Not to minimize the DJ of course!  My experience?  The persona of the DJ/Music Technician can make a significant difference in the overall show – good, bad, or otherwise, PLUS the DJ can increase or reduce stress depending on how they operate and communicate.  I’ve seen mutiny against a show DJ – it was NOT  pretty thing…  I think there were pitchforks and a bonfire.

Non-productive Energy Sucker looks just like this!

So, we only have so much energy and focus at one moment in time, and stretching out of what we are used to, focusing on improving can direct a lot of that away from other things.  Brings up doubts we need to face head on too – now THOSE are energy suckers.

Let’s now skip to the first.  I believe the first is transition.  A gathering period as things change – the way we create, the way we perform, even the way we see the world.  At times transition can feel overwhelming, and make us want to crawl back into our warm comfortable hole (or water our plants).  It can be a whole barrel full of scary too.  Our “whole world” is being shaken upside down and we don’t know what “normal” is anymore.

The second is a bit similar to the first.  I believe the second is the fear of change, even while embracing it.  Immediately after a transition, time is needed to work through it, adjust to it, but it still doesn’t mean it will be easy or just go away.  In moments of doubt, in moments of feeling too much, we may want to climb back into that warm hole of the “known” even when we know we are in a better place.  The brain says “you can’t make way for new things if you don’t let go of the past” and everything we’ve heard a million times, but it doesn’t stop those moments of wanting to go back in time when things “were simpler”.  Thing is though, that the mind has its own protections and glossing over the past is one of them.  Those “simpler times” were filled with challenges of their own that lose their edge over time, become fuzzy or even forgotten.

You know what though?  It’s a new week and a new day – even if it’s the M-day!  I sometimes forget how music can sooth me, inspire me.  A balance of structure, inspiration, and being patient with myself may just be what’s in order for the day.

Create from your soul
~ Eva