Ahoy mateys!   I declare it pirate day, raise the sails, cast from shore and find me some booty!

No!  not that kind of booty…although I must say the thought does make me grin!  It was a Eureka moment after waking up at a very dark 0300 hours my time.  Worked on a dance for a bit then anxiety flew off the charts.  Last night?  Headache…lots of headaches recently.  I turned to the almighty google for relaxation tips – did some heavy breathing (no wait, I meant deep breathing, deep breathing), and grabbed up my fishing pole.  The sound of water soothes me, and the fishing part is a relaxing calming activity I’ve found…and it hit me.

Fear…namely, fear of rejection.  Why was this dance bothering me, why have other things been causing anxiety?  I realize – it’s the fear of rejection, subconscious thoughts that affect me physically!  Not just this dance but other things too.  Anxiety isn’t real, it’s the brain playing tricks on you experts say, telling you all the bad stuff.  What if my dance sucks, what if everyone hates it, what if everyone hates ME, what if I don’t finish, what if…what if… what if…

It’s like this self fulfilling prophecy – immobilizing me, stopping me from really relaxing into the creation.   Stopping me from saying what I really want to say.  I’ve always said I’d rather know the truth, even if it hurt.  Well, sometimes we need to brave enough to just put it out there, I realize.  The words, my creations, me.  To stand back and see that feeling and say…whoa…the best experiences often come when you challenge your comfort zone, put it out there, pour your energy into it and see what happens.  Rejection sucks, big time, but there’s a happiness in knowing I did my best and I was true to myself.  This is part of going with the flow 🙂

You know why sorting inventory is my happy place?  Because I’m in control, organizing, and it’s completely internal.  It’s good to have that place to come back to, to recharge my batteries..but not a good place to exist in, avoiding what I REALLY want to do.

I, like so many, have diagnosed anxiety…sometimes paralyzing.  I’m going to keep on keeping on – doing my best, enjoying life, and appreciating all the people around me.  I have a dance to make!  Well…two actually but who’s counting.  Amazing dancers to costume and fun fun stuff to teach!

Random thoughts:

Why don’t we have street performers in SL?  I’m going to wear a funky costume, do an abstract and artistic dance and pass out flowers, a hat by my feet.  Or maybe one of those shiny painted people?  Or a living statue…fun and super easy to do in this world!  Oh…the possibilities…

Can I make a dance like the emporer’s new clothes?  We’ll all be naked but say we’re wearing a costume?  Soooo much easier – and I can blame it on SL!  Bonus!

My kingdom for a poem!  On Monday night I’m going to a poetry reading and I’m going to read one.   Not up to writing my own…  <makes a face, grinning, might be fun but probably NOT appreciated there!  I did write a great one in 3rd grade though>  Something whimsical and fun and kinda short – to almighty google again I charge forth!

Party time!   [03:14:54] (7S) Pro Fishing Rod: EvaHarley Resident has reached Level 8!

Particle Play!  I’ve been asked quite a few times about particles.  I’m going to write a blog entry on my thoughts, resources, and some of the options – put together the info in one place.   Particles and lighting – two things I’d love to play with more!

Happy day to you all!  Let your hair down, your imagination soar, and know your name. 🙂

~ Eva

~ Take me or leave me, I’m just me…quirks and all 🙂  ~

Doing some serious fishing here!

Poseidon, giving me advice…

Reflecting…the flamingos eying my catch…

Jelly fish I caught fishing…Now where’s the peanut butter???